With or Without you
by thedreamingriver
Summary: Naoki's marriage meeting and subsequent engagement starts for Kotoko, a journey of self-discovery. Though Naoki ends up waiting in rain for Kotoko as in the original storyline , the girl he gets into a relationship with turns out to be a bit different from the one who stalked him. Their relationship will grow and change as Kotoko grows up.
1. Prologue

**Hello! So this is my first time writing a fanfiction. Itazura na kiss storylines have been revolving around my head for quite a while now and with the airing of second season I have been really excited about the series. Hope you guys like it and I will do my best to be regular with updates.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters (obviously :P). I am just playing with them.**

Prologue

17 May 2012

The forest was quiet, full of noises. The crunching of the leaves beneath her feet resounded in her head, disturbing as if a bullet fired. So she stood still and felt herself breath. And there, in between the vastness of her surrounding and minuteness of her existence she felt peace.

She has been lost for an hour now but she was not worried. She was accustomed to feeling lost and now she was experiencing being lost. Her physical state finally an accurate representation of her mental one, exhausted. Did she really want to find her way out here, to leave the calmness of a battle's interlude and resume a fight where she had no idea what she was fighting and why.

She was now starting to piss herself off. What kind of line of thought was she following? Her own thoughts irritated her like the whining of a spoilt brat. Of course she wanted to get out and find her way back , survival in the wild might not sound as peaceful when she had a hungry stomach and hadn't taken a bath for a few days. She needed to get up and leave. She will come here again ,she promised herself and then she won't be lost. Goodbye river ,fallen leaves and trees . I'll be back soon. She snorted out loud shaking her. What goodbye trees and leaves I am lost in a freaking forest!

Kotoko hoped that when she found her way out Naoki would listen to what she had to say and that Irie family would forgive her actions and lastly, she prayed that she could still stay together with Naoki even though she couldn't marry him today.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

10 January 2012

The cold was mind numbing and Kotoko was glad to be finally inside a heated building. She was out to meet her friends Jinko and Satomi, both of them wanted her to meet their boyfriends. Kotoko sighed when she thought how compared to her, her friends were actually living and experiencing life. Kotoko, lately, had been contemplating the decisions she took and the way she lived her first 2 years of her college life a lot. She was jarred out of the fantasy world since she heard about Irie-kun's marriage meeting. Her first reaction had been ,as expected, to spiral into depression, sulk and think of ways to sabotage the meeting but a mean comment by Matsumoto had her stop and look back on her life.

_"Hey Kotoko, Wait!" Matsumoto called out to Kotoko. She waited for Yuuko to catch up and greeted her. "I heard that Naoki-san had gone for a marriage meeting and things went well with the girl. Say Kotoko now what are you going to do with your life? taunted Matsumoto. _

Whatever had been Matsumoto's intentions while saying that to Kotoko, it had shifted her focus;what will she do with her life? Up until now she had been satisfied with pursuing Irie-kun. He was the ultimate goal of her life, but now Kotoko was realizing how stupid she had been in allowing someone to become the only aim of her life. She never thought of what she wanted to achieve, her second year of college is more than half done and yet she hasn't done anything she was particularly proud of. She was half -heartedly studying literature and she had no passion, except Irie-kun. Things have to change Kotoko how?

How does one goes about changing the ways of past 4 years of one's life? Ever since she moved in with the Iries she has been gradually orienting her life around Irie-kun's ,so how can she change? She simply didn't know what it meant to be on her own or to make her decisions based on simply her preferences or future goals. "Aaahhh! This is so hard!" cried Kotoko. Her sudden outburst garnered the attention of other patrons of the restaurant and Kotoko quickly apologized. This is so embarrassing I can't even think properly. Kotoko lightly banged her head on the table.

"Excuse me, but are you alright? Can I get you someone for help? Don't be too hard on yourself, life always has a way of working itself out. " The waiter, a kind old man said this with a sweet smile. He was genuinely concerned about the girl's health. Young girls these days have so many pressures on them. He was thankful that his daughter had grown up just fine. As he left Kotoko, who was feeling even more embarrassed, couldn't help but be extremely skeptical of what the old man had said. What did the phrase 'working out' imply in regards to her life ?That she would live a life she wanted or simply that she would gradually come to accept whatever lot fate had allotted to her? So many questions where now running around her head that Kotoko felt she would lose her mind. Where are Jinko and Satomi? She had been waiting for them for about 20 minutes now. Did they cancel on her? She wouldn't fault them if they did. Kotoko really didn't think she had been a good friend to them. She was a very self-centered person.

And it was in this state of broodiness that Satomi and Jinko found her when they reached the restaurant. Kotoko jumped up from her seat and hugged them both fiercely and started apologizing to them. She kept saying that she was so very sorry and she hoped they could find it in their heart to forgive her. They both were more than a little confused about what Kotoko was babbling. Jinko bluntly asked Kotoko if she were drunk? Satomi ,always the more mature one ,was the first to make a move. She gently made Kotoko sit down and calmly, petting her head asked to her explain what she was thinking. Kotoko then discussed with them her recent revelations about herself.

Jinko empathetically agreed with Kotoko that she indeed needed to work on herself more and cursed Irie for hurting her friend. She declared him absolutely horrendous and heartless. Kotoko while appreciated her friend's support reminded her that they can't fault Irie if he didn't like her back, it was his choice to accept whoever he wants and Sahoko-san ,from what Kotoko had heard and seen, seemed like the perfect choice for Irie. Satomi realized that this line of thought would only bring Kotoko down so she changed the subject by suggesting a make-over.

"Make-over! Why? What's wrong with how I look ?" Kotoko protested.

Satomi sighed. "There is nothing wrong but Kotoko you need to change your style a bit with your age. I love you a lot ,honey, but even you have to admit that you haven't changed much about your appearance since we were starting look like a school kid instead of the college girl you are."

"Fine. Fine. I agree but what exactly would this make-over entail?" Kotoko grumbled while exaggerating her mock pout.

"Okay, let's see…there are clothes, shoes, definitely your hair and.." Satomi was interrupted by Kotoko. "NOT MY HAIR. I have grown it for so long. No way!"

"Please, please, Kotoko, please just trust me on this for once. I promise we won't cut it too short." Satomi begged with her puppy dog-eyed expression. Kotoko reluctantly acquiesced. She then turned to Jinko to say "Do you have anything to add?"

Jinko shook her saying "You know fashion is Satomi's department. I can hook you up with some concert tickets and keep you updated with new bands, help cultivate your music tastes. Narasaki knows some people in concert organization so maybe I could get some concert tickets. What say?" Kotoko and Satomi were almost vibrating with excitement at the thought of concert. "We definitely need to go to one soon." Satomi declared. "And Kotoko, would you mind if we brought our boyfriends along? I don't want you to feel left out. So you have the final say."

"Guys, I realize it may be a little weird for me in the starting but I truly want to meet and know the guys who my friends are enamored with. So fret not, I will be fine. And with that enough has been said about me. I see two guys coming towards us and if I am not wrong they are here for you guys." Kotoko beamed with happiness as she saw her friends jump out in excitement and hug their boyfriends. For a moment a shot of envy passed through Kotoko as she wished she could have called Irie-kun hers the same way,but the realization that even if he was her boyfriend Kotoko could not have simply and confidently jumped into his arms like her friends with their boyfriends was a sobering thought.

"No wallowing,Kotoko." She scolded herself. Oh great! Now she was talking to herself in her mind. She was going crazy. I need a drink. Kotoko wanted nothing more than to let herself go a little and for the first time alcohol seemed like the perfect solution to Kotoko. Kotoko suggested that they all have some shots. Jinko and Satomi were surprised but readily agreed. They ordered the drinks and their night of fun truly began.

** -2 hours later-**

Satomi dropped a drunk Kotoko at the doorstep of her house and wobbled back to the car. She shouted her goodbye as Narasaki drove away. The commotion of drunk Kotoko outside the door and Satomi shouting had Naoki opening the front door, glowering at Kotoko. He was still in his suite indicating that he himself had just gotten back from his date with Sahoko.

"Do you even realize what time is it? Mom was so worried about you. Couldn't you call? I had to calm to her down and I finally sent her to bed; and you with all this ruckus would disturb her again. Do you have any consideration for anyone else? Coming home at this time and that to in some strange guys car." Naoki went off on Kotoko. He stopped when he saw Kotoko stumble inside the house, while he was speaking, and realized that she was drunk as he smelt the strong smell of vodka on her. His temper reached an unprecedented level. He gritted his teeth and very slowly held Kotoko by her shoulder. He tightened his hold to an almost painful level said "I can't believe you would get into a car with guys you don't even properly know while being pissed off drunk. Tell me, Kotoko, are you that desperate?"

Kotoko violently shrugged Irie-kun off ,slapped him and stomped off the stairs, her anger giving her clarity , before she turned the corner she looked back at him with stone cold eyes and spat out the words "Fuck off,Naoki." The hypocrisy and incredulity of the situation had her snorting , Irie Naoki was calling her selfish. Kotoko slammed her door shut and leaned heavily against her door. All her bravado left her as she slumped down and tears started streaming down her eyes. Her heart was breaking and she didn't know how much more she could take.

Naoki who had been shocked frozen by that slap and even more by her words finally moved. He will never learn, Naoki thought to himself .He walked up the stairs slowly, his heart weighed down. Naoki realized that this time he was losing her forever. Maybe this time there was no going back from where they have reached. He was getting engaged to Sahoko-san. He was so lucky. Then why was he mourning a loss.

**So this is the first chapter. Please review. I would love to hear what you guys have to say. **


	3. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay. I hope this meets your expectation.**

Chapter 2

22 January 2012

It has been over a week since that incident and Kotoko had successfully managed to avoid Naoki, not that it had been particularly difficult with Naoki still managing Pandai and courting Sahoko. He simply wasn't at home much. Naoki had stoically apologized to Kotoko the day after she had slapped him and that had been the last they had seen of each other. Noriko who had observed all this with a heavy heart was determined that she would try at least for one last time to get the two together before giving up. Papa had told her that Chairman Oizumi wanted to get Sahoko-san and Onii-chan officially engaged in first week of February, so she really didn't have much time left now. Moreover, she had seen some shocking changes in Kotoko that have had her really worried.

She sometimes got a feeling that Kotoko was hiding something from her. First, there had been some subtle changes in Kotoko's attitude:leaving home very early,skipping breakfast, coming home late and it also seemed like Kotoko had also undergone a complete wardrobe transformation,Noriko had seen her come home with her friends laden with shopping bags and then giggling up a storm while looking at their purchases. She once caught site of the soft pink of the famous lingerie brand among her purchases. Noriko had not been troubled by this at the starting, she had seen it as simply as a part of growing up , but it was last night that had her wondering if Kotoko's transformation was motivated by something completely different.

**_-Last Night-_**

_Noriko was catching up on some reading while waiting up for Onii-chan and Kotoko-chan to come home. It was getting late and she was about to call Kotoko when she heard the front door jiggling. She walked excitedly to the foyer._

_"Oh! Kotoko-chan!What have you done to your hair?" exclaimed Noriko even before Kotoko could properly shut the door._

_"I got a haircut. Jinko and Satomi convinced me. Do you like it?" Kotoko blushed and nervously touched her hair._

_She had gotten it cut this afternoon and Jinko had convinced her to get an inverted bob. She had been saddened to see her long tresses chopped off. "God knows how many years would it take for them to grow back." Kotoko had thought mournfully. She also been very skeptical about her ability to carry it ,but after spending the whole evening with her short hair she had decided that short hair suited her personality much better. "Sweet, simple and bubbly.", mentally Kotoko agreed with the description._

_Noriko came closer and gently held Kotoko's face in her hand. She moved it to the left ,then right and after examining it from all directions declared it " Amazing! You look so cute. I approve of it." Noriko suddenly jumped excitedly clapping her hands. " Kotoko-chan just wait here. Let me get my camera. We need to document this." And, thus, began a 20 minute long impromptu photo session , with which Kotoko was only too happy to comply. _

_After enough photos had been clicked to satisfy Noriko that nothing had been missed , Kotoko had started going up the steps up to her room. Noriko pulled Kotoko back down the steps and then asked Kotoko incredulously where did she think she was going. "Ahm, I was going to my room because it is late and I want to sleep. Is there something wrong?" Kotoko answered perplexed. Noriko laughed at the naivety of the young girl.  
"Kotoko-chan" Noriko said in a sing-song voice , "You have to wait for Onii-chan to come home and greet him. You need to show him your new look. Wouldn't it be just lovely when Onii-chan sees you like this? I bet he would love it."_

_"Mrs Irie, Irie-kun is with someone else and it is his right to be with whosoever he wants. We need to respect his choice. I can't keep imposing myself on him like this. It is embarrassing for me. I am sorry ,but I am really tried so I am going to bed. Thank you waiting up. Goodnight."_

-Present-

To say that Noriko was stunned would be an understatement. Kotoko always followed her suggestion and was unfailingly determined to gain Onii-chan's attention. Noriko earnestly hoped this change was not because Kotoko had found someone else, now that Onii-chan had Sahoko-san. "Why does Onii-chan have to be so blind to the fact how perfect Kotoko is for him? Why does he just not listen to his heart?" wailed out Noriko suddenly. She then turned to check to see if anyone heard her and was relieved to realize that everyone was sleeping in this Sunday and she was thankfully alone in the kitchen.

An hour later when Naoki came down to the kitchen ,he saw everyone was just settling down with their breakfast. His stomach growled at the appetizing aroma of food. His mother really was an amazing cook and though he never really complimented her because it felt awkward to say it out loud. He was grateful for his mother's care. Engrossed in these thoughts Naoki sat down at the table and started fixing himself a plate. He then reached for his newspaper. It was only when he was almost done with his food that he put down the paper and took a sip of his coffee when he saw Kotoko sitting at the table. He immediately choked on his drink and started sputtering and coughing. Everyone at the table looked up at him in surprise. No one expects the super cool and ever composed Naoki Irie to be so graceless and so they were extremely curious about the cause of his clumsiness.

"You got a haircut. Why?" exclaimed Naoki. His voice a mixture of disbelief and accusation. Why was feeling left out? So she got a haircut, why was he disappointed that she didn't ask his opinion beforehand?

"Yes and I just felt like it." Kotoko coolly replied but then in the next breath her resolve crumbled and she ended up asking "Do you like it?" She scolded herself mentally. "Stupid Kotoko! You don't want Irie-kun's approval. Be your own person. Repeat. Be your own person."

"Like it? Huh! You look like a boy. Though, I guess that fits well with your body type." Naoki said dismissively.

Kotoko deflated sadly and looked down at her plate. She was no longer hungry while Naoki marveled at his ability to lie. He had been unable to take his eyes off from the tantalizing curve of her neck ever since he kept down his paper and had this almost irresistible urge run his lips along its length. Noriko chose this time to change the subject.

"Okay everyone! What are you guys doing the next weekend?" asked Noriko excitedly.

"I have lunch with distributors on Saturday." "I have golf with Chairman Oizumi." "I have an important dinner party to cook for." "I have a birthday party to attend." "I have to go to concert on Saturday." Everyone answered one by one.

"Enough. Cancel everything." Noriko announced. "We are going out. I got vouchers to a 5-star sea side spa as a gift for my birthday and I want to redeem them before they expire. And since it is my birthday gift ,you all have to come." So in a manner that was patently Noriko Irie she suppressed all dissent and thus set her plan to bring Onii-chan and Kotoko together in motion. "I would have made a great dictator." Noriko thought this with great pride.

**If you liked it ,please review. Your words mean a lot to me. Until next time. Take care.**


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter-3

29 January 2012

3:00 P.M.

"Say something, I am giving up on you. Say something." Kotoko pleaded as she stared at him. Trapped in this elevator she had bared her heart out to him and this time she wanted a proper reply. He cannot leave her hanging this time. This time she wanted closure ,an outright no. He was done playing with her emotions. So here stuck in this broken down elevator she waited for the last blow to fall on her love for Irie-kun, shattering her heart for one final time.

\- 9:00 A.M. [Earlier that day] -

The entire Irie family along with Kotoko and her father had reached the resort yesterday afternoon and what followed was a day of relaxing massages and pampering for Kotoko along with Mrs. Noriko. The duo had fun together getting hot stone massages and their nails done while boys went off their own way. The day had ended with delicious dinner at a local family restaurant and calming soak in the public hot bath. Today, the plan was for the whole group to hang out at the beach and Kotoko was very excited to try out her new bikini. It had taken a lot of coaxing from Satomi and Jinko for her to buy something more age appropriate. While Kotoko wasn't really conscious about her figure,she did have her insecurities like any young women. But, this more determined Kotoko was ready to grow up and face her self-doubts boldly and head on.

The black bikini that she had finally chosen was a standard two piece set, nothing too skimpy and had a white crochet cover-up that she simply loved. Looking at herself in the mirror she was starting to feel more confident, sure she her boobs were not that big and she didn't have curves that one might wish for but her body type had its own appeal. She liked what she was seeing in the mirror and she was happy. So giving herself a final pep talk for confidence,she left her room wearing flip-flops and carrying her ipod.

Meanwhile, Iries and Aihara-san where waiting for Kotoko to join them for breakfast. Mrs. Irie was just about to go looking for her when Kotoko finally entered the dining area of the resort. As Kotoko greeted everyone on the table, Naoki chose to ignore her and went on ahead with finishing his breakfast. Kotoko also decided to ignore his ignorance of her and focus on setting up her breakfast plate. Yet far from being ignorant, her presence had wreaked a havoc in his cool composure. Her cover-up hadn't hidden from Naoki much of anything not covered by the bikini and Naoki was at loss on how to deal with ,to put it bluntly, a sexy Kotoko. Naoki was now getting agitated. Isn't it enough her face plagued his thoughts and now to deal with her body? How he wanted to wrap his arms around her waist and hold her tight to him. What was wrong with him. Why was he thinking about this stupid girl so much these days. Since when did she hold such power over him? Why does she make him feel so much?

After everyone was finally done with breakfast the group headed towards the beach. Naoki couldn't help but notice the appreciative glances that came Kotoko's way. He casually walked up to where she was standing and put his arms around her shoulder. Kotoko tried hard not to act flustered but she couldn't help and squirm a bit under his intense gaze as he leaned down to look at her. Naoki was himself was taken aback by his actions, it was as if his body had acted on its own will. Now looking at her face this close he couldn't find any logical reason for his action so he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind "Shouldn't you be wearing clothes more appropriate to your age, little girl?"

Noriko swatted him with her hat saying "Onii-chan you shouldn't be do rude. Our Kotoko is a beautiful flower now. So precious. Take care of her." Naoki started at his mother passively then moved on to get into water with Yuki. Kotoko recovered herself and went to lie down and enjoy the sun and music.

After spending 4 hours on the beach engaged in various activities Kotoko decided that she wanted to go rest in her room. Noriko thought this to be the perfect time to execute her plan. As everyone started to pack up the stuff they had brought to beach Noriko suggested that she wanted to look at stuff in the shops near the beach and thus excitedly she dragged her husband, her younger son and Aihara-san along with her while asking Naoki to help Kotoko take their things up to the room. Noriko had arranged everything with the resort staff and though it involved pulling of some strings and an appeal to the emotional heart of the young hotel manager she had managed to create the perfect opportunity for them to interact in the elevator. Stuck in the elevator for an hour would definitely make them talk. Thus, giggling happily she made the call that would ensure the implementation of her plan.

-2:30 P.M. [In Elevator]-

Standing in this enclosed space with Irie-kun was making her heart beat incredibly fast. Kotoko couldn't understand her feelings anymore. Despite his blatant disregard for her why did he still have such effect on her emotions. Suddenly the elevator jerked and it was pitch black inside the elevator cabin. Kotoko shrieked and backed into Irie-kun. Naoki tried to calm a panicked Kotoko and pressed the glowing button on the panel. The button allowed for the distress call to be made and he got to speak with a technician who assured him that they were trying to sort out the problem as soon as possible and for the time being to switch on the emergency light and wait.

Naoki looked for the emergency light button and once the dim yellow filled the cabin he focused on calming Kotoko down who was trembling in his arms. Rocking her slowly he started humming to her soothe her racing heart. Kotoko started to feel herself relax in Irie-kun's arm. He somehow always made her feel safe. Nothing could go wrong in her world if he held her. Once she was calm enough Naoki spread their beach blanket on the ground and then lowered them on it. So they sat there with Kotoko resting on her head on Naoki's chest while his fingers soothingly rubbed her shoulders.

Afterwhile Kotoko started feeling restless, she looked up at Naoki and the dimness of the light gave her the courage to voice her query "Irie-kun do you really love Sahoko-san?", Naoki sighed and after weighing his words answered "I respect her and I believe in time we could grow to care for each other deeply but I don't understand what love is so I don't know if I see myself falling in love with her."

Kotoko mulled over what he had said and then she began " I know you find me annoying and pesky but I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you in high school. I know my emotions don't seem logical to you but I have thought about it hard, my love for you has never been infatuation. I have never seen anything in my future except you. All my dreams, all my hopes, all my prayers ,everything, every single breath of mine since the day I first saw you have centered around you. All I ever wished was for you to be happy and me to by your side. I have started to realize how unfair all this has been to you in a way. You never asked to be saddled with someone's love. Moreover a someone that your mother for some reason deemed perfect for you. I am obviously no match for you on any level. I am so below you it is not even funny. But goddammit I didn't ask for this too. I hate feeling this way. My love for you has started to disgust me. It is like a disease driving me mad. Naoki I want to stop. Please make this stop."

Kotoko was in tears by the end of her speech, breathless ,angered and exhausted she waited for his reply. When after minutes of silence that consumed them passed by and Irie-kun remained a stone, Kotoko couldn't control herself anymore.A wail of anguish left her mouth as pleaded "Say something, I am giving up on you. Say something."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

3:10 P.M.

All that was left in the cabin once Kotoko's wailing pleas subsided was an unbearable silence. The front of Naoki's shirt was now wet with Kotoko's tears as she lay there crying silently. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop her tears and now, after crying for what felt like an eternity she was starting to feel tired. She wanted to fall asleep. Weirdly enough there was a sense of acceptance and calmness in Kotoko that had been missing before, expressing herself and then mourning her broken heart in front of the reason for all this mess had been cathartic. For now, all she wanted was to sleep.

Naoki's head was resonating with Kotoko's words. Where Kotoko had found some peace for herself , Naoki was left agitated and helpless. The frailty of human emotions was a nuisance that he had always distanced himself from, he had never experienced any major upheaval in his emotional state so he always found other's emotional reactions artificial and an exaggeration. Though this was not the complete truth. He had not experienced any major upheaval, until Kotoko that is; She made him feel more than anyone else. Not always or majorly positive feelings but she made him feel. She was the one who had directed him towards a goal that for the first time in his life he was passionate about. She was the spark that made him feel but even though she was good at making him human, he was not good at expressing his feelings. What good could it ever achieve. The facts of the situation remains the same and all it does was to leave him exposed and vulnerable. Kotoko drew feelings from him and many times his words too. He had shared with her thoughts that he never saw himself sharing. Yet, he never can seem to talk to her about the thing that was the most important, her. He could never talk to her about his feelings for her. There were no words.

"I cannot think for myself Kotoko. I may not be the most loving son out there but I gladly accept and realize my responsibilities towards my parents. Wants and desires were a mystery that I never understood and now that I do, they are luxury that I cannot afford. To state it simply Pandai is in real trouble and I am the only one who can save it. So, I cannot let myself think about who I love and what I love. When there is a path already laid in front of you and you know there is no other option but to walk upon it, there is no point pinning for the road not taken." Naoki closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall of elevator as he spoke these words.

Kotoko was startled when Naoki started to speak. The disturbance of his words seemed unnatural. Though, as he continued to speak she was filled with deep sadness for the man in front of her. She didn't understand much of what he implied but a fierce feeling of protectiveness overcame her. She wanted to shield him from everything and anything that brought this undertone of sadness in his voice. This vulnerability felt alien on him.

"Sahoko-san is very beautiful woman and kind woman, Naoki. Once Pandai is back on its feet after you marry her and Uncle has recovered you could still pursue your dream to become a doctor. You can do it and I am sure Sahoko-san would stand by you and support your dream. Nothing is lost, your dreams have just been delayed." Kotoko did her best to alleviate Naoki's sadness. While Naoki saw her absence in the picture she painted as the biggest and most unbearable flaw. He would rather have her and forget being a doctor than the other way around. But he would never say that to her because it would be cruel as it can never come true. He could also not let himself think like this anymore. He needs to discipline his thoughts.

It was at this point when they heard voices of technicians outside and the elevator door was wrenched open. Kotoko and then Naoki were pulled out of the broken down elevator shaft. The light of the day felt harsh like bleach in their eyes. It harshly rubbed out the intimacy of minds that they had found in the elevator cabin. Kotoko looked at Naoki intently and gathering all the courage she had,she hugged him ,standing on the tip of her toes holding onto him tightly. Naoki held her equally close, the tantalizing scent of her hair calmed him. What could have been their future passed through both of their minds, both unwilling to let go. Then, suddenly Kotoko pulled herself away from Naoki as if drenched in cold water and ran, ran away from her only love.

Don't go. Please don't leave me shouted Naoki in his mind. Naoki controlled himself, his face now held the usual blank expression but as he turned to move the words held for so long in his heart broke free , "I love you. I,only, love you" whispered Naoki to the air around him. His mind he could control, his heart not so much.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I hope you are enjoying the story. Here is the new chapter. I just wanted to say that I haven't been able to reply to the reviews but please know that your words of encouragement mean a lot to me and I would get back to replying as soon as some of my life problems get sorted. Until then please review if you are enjoying this story. Your words make my day. Thank you.**

**I don't own the original story and characters. Though I do wish I did so I could meet Yuki Furukawa. :D**

Chapter 5

14 February 2012

Things changed rapidly in Irie household after that trip in January. Kotoko to everyone's astonishment moved out after her talk with Irie-kun. She had finally realized and accepted the reality of her as well as Irie-kun's situation. She did not want to create any more trouble for him and understood that her continuing to stay at their house would only put a strain on the relationship between Irie-kun and his mother. She could have moved out to live with her father but Kotoko wanted to stand on her own two feet. She wanted to prove to everyone but especially herself wrong and show that she was capable of surviving on her own. She had been looking for a part time job for a few months and had finally gotten a job offer at a public day care in Tokyo. The job offer along with the elevator chat sealed in her mind the decision she had being mulling over for a while.

Aihara-san had serious reservations against Kotoko living on her own. Kotoko and he had their first serious fight on this issue in the starting of the month. Kotoko had always been an easy child to raise despite her inability to do anything properly. She was extremely cheerful and optimistic and she rarely rebelled against her father's wishes. They didn't talk to each other for half a week, avoiding each other, until Kotoko had broken down and gone to visit her father after work hours at the restaurant. There in quiet of the end of the day, Kotoko spoke and for the first time in a long Aihara-san saw something in his determined daughter's eyes. He saw self-confidence. So he gave in, but of course with stipulations.

His stipulations were easy for Kotoko to accept because she knew they stemmed from his love for her. He wanted to go look for the apartment with Kotoko to make sure if it were safe. He wanted weekly visits from Kotoko and nightly calls when she got back from work and finally he wanted to pay for the deposit and first month of rent for Kotoko. The last condition actually relieved Kotoko and allowed her to move out soon. She has shifted to her new place by 11th of the month. Between her work and shifting process, Kotoko faced the mammoth task of convincing Mrs. Irie.

Mrs. Irie had since the move in high school filled the hole Kotoko's mother left in her life and Mrs. Irie's opinion and feelings meant a lot for Kotoko. Kotoko couldn't in good conscience leave without getting her approval. Noriko ,on the other hand ,had been flabbergasted by the way things played out after the trip to the resort. She couldn't accept that the future that she so wished would not come to fruition. On top of that Kotoko's move broke her heart. How could she continue to live without her. She was her daughter. She was supposed to be with her always but seeing as that nothing seemed to be changing no matter how much she wished for ,she couldn't allow herself to watch Kotoko's life being destroyed. Onii-chan was getting engaged on 14th February and the Oizumi's were throwing a huge celebration to mark the occasion. There was nothing more she could do but to accept the reality, anything else would be a call for insanity. She now needed to help Kotoko ,her daughter, to rebuild her life. She would ensure that no matter where Kotoko ends up in life she is sublimely happy. Maybe Kotoko and Onii-chan were never meant to be together.

So with lot of tearful goodbyes and lot of support and care Kotoko embarked on her life of living on her own and though it had been just 4 days Kotoko was slowly believing that she could do it. Her job at the day care center was extremely fun. After the usual mishaps that happened where ever Kotoko went, they had finally found something she was actually naturally good. When the job of managing the paperwork or the reception did not work , her supervisor had assigned her to work with the kids. Her childlike attitude and delight in things allowed her to gel perfectly with the young kids at the place. She loved playing repetitive games with the kids which usually would annoy an adult.

Today had been a fun day for her, one of her kids, Sakura, had said she loved her while hugging her goodbye. It filled her with pure joy, listening to those words from such an adorable child. She had been smiling the whole walk home when she caught the red valentine display on the restaurant she was entering to have dinner. Her last night's attempt at cooking had convinced her that at least for the foreseeable future she would have to depend on take-out food.

The decoration was like a slap to her face. He was getting engaged today. He is probably engaged by now. These were thoughts going through her head. Kotoko wondered what Naoki and Sahoko doing at the moment. Were they greeting their guests together or were the elegantly dancing on some romantic number in front of everyone? Dancing like Kotoko never could , looking perfect unlike Kotoko. Suddenly, she had no appetite anymore. She walked down the cold street and then started to run. She ran as if she could run away from these images and thoughts in her mind. She saw them kissing, she saw them living together and she saw them being family. Her mind was helpless as she was assaulted by its own creation. She ran back to her apartment and in the silence of her own home. She broke apart but for the first time since she moved here, in fact for the first time in her life, she felt the crippling weight of loneliness. At that moment she truly felt alone and abandoned. The feeling was terrifying. She needed someone so she called the only person she felt at that moment would always be there for her. Kin-chan.

Kin-chan was delighted to hear from Kotoko and after finishing the clean-up at Aihara he locked everything up and hurried to meet her at her apartment. Chef had gone to Irie family's engagement celebration so for the first time since he started working he was honoured with responsibility of closing and securing everything for the night. Kin-chan felt that he was a step closer to realizing his dream. Irie-kun was no longer a threat to his love for Kotoko, he finally had a chance to change her mind, to impress her and he was going to give it his all.

When Kin-chan saw Kotoko's tear stained face he squared his shoulder and then looking the most serious he ever had he proclaimed that they were gonna have some fun. This had the desired effect as Kotoko burst out laughing at Kin-chan's expression. Their night of fun started with consuming all too much Vodka and then moved on to an intense Mario kart session. Finally after Kin-chan had won ,again, Kotoko's skills severely impaired due drinking not that Kin-chan was much better (just better enough to defeat her) , they chucked their remote control aside and fell back on the couch. They turned to look at each other. Their heads surprisingly close.

"Thank you for being there for me today. I had a lot of fun." Kotoko whispered.

"I will always be there for you, you know that Kotoko. By the way why are we whispering." Kin-chan replied whispering.

"Because" Kotoko shouted and then went quiet.

"Because…?" Kin-chan prompted. "Han? What because?" She asked perplexed. Kin-chan looked at her in exasperation and then starting laughing, there is no point arguing with a drunk Kotoko. Both of them went completely quiet.

"I never told you but you have beautiful eyes. I love your eyes. You have pretty lips too. They look so soft." Kotoko said out of the blue, staring intensely at Kin-chan's face and then just as he was processing what to say, she moved close to him and gently kissed him. She then casually moved to rest her head on his chest and as she started to fall asleep she said "Stay with me tonight. Don't leave. Promise?"

"I won't ever leave you." Kin-chan promised so with a gentle smile on his face. Kin-chan stayed awake for hours after that kiss ,replaying it again and again in his mind. It was the happiest moment of his life. He could never give up on her now.

**No hate,please. I still believe in Kotoko and Naoki. Read the summary to reassure is growing is all I will say. **


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

15 February 2012

Next morning it was the shrilling noise of her phone alarm that woke Kotoko up. She woke up groggily and was a bit surprised to realize that she was sleeping on the couch. Why wasn't she on her bed? As she became aware of her surrounding,images from last night assaulted her mind. Did she really kiss Kin-chan? What is wrong with her? The noise of pots and pan clattering in the kitchen filled the room and she realized that not only she kissed him but she asked him to stay with her as well. What was she going to do now? Is Kin-chan going to think that they will start dating after last night? Isn't that what she expected when Irie-kun kissed her? Being faced with so many conflicting feelings and questions was definitely not a good way to starts one's day.

Kin-chan cheerily entered the living room. He carried with him coffee and breakfast for Kotoko. He wanted to start this new stage in their relationship in the right way. He had wanted them to have their own little improvised version of breakfast in bed. Kotoko was sitting up and looked in deep in thought as he presented her with the food. "Good Morning, Kotoko!" Kin-chan cheerfully greeted Kotoko. All Kotoko could to do was grunt out a greeting back as little people ran around smashing things around her head. Her hangover from hell made normally loud Kin-chan's voice reach an ear-splitting intensity.

"Ah! Kotoko-san is hungover. Don't worry I have plenty of greasy food, juice and coffee. My food would soon work its magic , so come on eat up." Kin-chan whispered all this in a surprisingly gentle manner for him."

"Thank you, Kin-chan. You are so good to me.I am very grateful." Kotoko said all this with her head down and guiltily looking down at her hands as she was embarrassed to look at him after last night. "I believe I have been very unfair to you. Last night…" Kotoko shakily continued speaking but before she could complete her sentence Kin-chan cut in between "Kotoko-san can never be unfair to anyone and last night was perfect. Anyway, I have apologize Kotoko-san as I have to leave. Chef called me before you woke up. He needs me to go pick up the ingredients with him today."

Kin-chan left soon after and Kotoko was left unsettled. She had wanted to clarify that the kiss was a huge lapse of judgement on her part. She wanted to explain how lonely she was feeling last night. But all this was left unsaid and Kotoko felt even worse. She knew longer the things went unexplained the worse Kin-chan would feel. She still could not believe that she had been so callous as to kiss Kin-chan when she knew it in her heart that she could never look at Kin-chan in a romantic manner. She simply wasn't attracted to him in that way. It was sobering realization for Kotoko that Kin-chan was to her what probably she was to Irie-kun. Yet, this same realization made her want to do better and treat Kin-chan better than how Irie-kun had treated her but then she went on and kissed him. She gave him false hope, a dream she knew that can never come true. As she got up to get ready for college she wondered how will she ever repent her sins against Kin-chan.

* * *

At the end of the day as Kotoko dragged her tired body back home she looked back at the disaster of her day. Due to the rollercoaster that was her life currently she had been more prone to day dreaming today and had lost her head several time in class as well at work. She had gotten scolded at both the places and one of the kids almost got hurt because of her absent-mindedness. She was saddled with even more guilt after that and thus, a guilt-ridden Kotoko had decided to look for Kin-chan at Aihara ,after she logged out from her work at 7 in the evening. Though she couldn't find any relief from her torment as she got to know that Kin-chan had to go back home suddenly after getting a call informing of his nephew's birth. She was also embarrassed to find out that earlier today Kin-chan had gleefully announced to all his friends at work about their kiss. Even her Dad had asked her if she had finally given into Kin-chan's persuasion. She claimed it to be just a misunderstanding and though she could see his Dad didn't truly buy it ,he thankfully decided not to push it further.

As she had sat there contemplating the crazy mess she had made of her life she had looked up at her father who had been wearily working down the counter, clearing everything up. Looking at him brought to mind the engagement party and she had weighed in her mind the question that was at the tip of her tongue. Should she or should not ask about it? Ultimately her curiosity had won and she had asked her father about.

Shiego had looked at his daughter's peculiar expression while working and realized that she must be wanting to ask about last night and when the question finally left her mouth he didn't know what to say? He finally saw her moving on and he did not want her to get caught up in her fantasy world again. So he settled the matter saying that it was a very beautiful party and that he enjoyed himself. Well, it was not a complete lie he argued with himself. He just left out some stuff. Kotoko had sensed that there was more to it than what her father was sharing but believing that it was stuff she probably didn't want to hear in the first place she had given up the line questioning. She soon after she left the place ,both of them hiding facets of truth from each other.

What a fruitless day it had been ,Kotoko thought to herself as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. When she reached her floor she was surprised to find an unexpected visitor. What was he doing here? This day keeps getting crazier and crazier. Kotoko walked up to the person fallen asleep at the foot of her door. As she got closer to him ,she realized how haggard he looked. His clothes were all rumpled. She had never seen Irie-kun so disheveled before. As she woke him up she noticed with a gasp the deep dark-circles underneath his eyes.

Naoki was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep, but then again it was given that he would succumb to exhaustion after being awake for the better part of the last 48 hours. He knew that this discussion could probably have waited but when he overheard Kinnouske blabbing all about finally winning Kotoko's affection at the restaurant and he couldn't stop himself. After that his feet automatically carried him towards an address that he had memorized secretly after he heard his mother discussing it with his father. Now, as he stood in front of her ,his uncharacteristic behavior finally seemed to have caught up to him and the realization that anything he says now would be completely out of the line had him fumbling for words. But before he had even began thinking what to say Kotoko had started speaking.

"Irie-kun ! Are you alright? Are you hurt? You look so messed up. Come on in. Let me look at you in a better light." Kotoko dragged him inside and then in the light of her apartment gave him a once over. "You don't look hurt but let me get you something to drink. Sit Irie-kun, sit." Kotoko's nervousness and her shock at Irie-kun's state temporarily overcame whatever anguish and pain she carried in her. When she walked in the room she was mesmerized by his presence. Even tired and unkempt he looks so beautiful thought Kotoko wistfully.

Kotoko placed his drink in front of him and sat down with her own. As the two sat looking at each other the air got heavier with awkwardness and tension. Kotoko had this overwhelming urge to hug Irie-kun but she knew it would be beyond inappropriate. So to change the atmosphere ,Kotoko steeled herself and with a false cheerfulness asked "So Irie-kun how was the ceremony yesterday? I am sorry I couldn't be there but I bet Sahoko-san looked amazing."

"We broke up. The engagement did not take place yesterday" Naoki replied calmly. "Sahoko-san refused to get married."

"Wahaa…What …but why? She liked you. How could…could anyone say no to you?" Kotoko was flabbergasted. She simply couldn't understand why anyone would not want to marry Irie-kun.

"Anyway, my relationship might have gone south but I understand you have found some romance in your life. I didn't realize that you would get over your years long love with me so soon." Naoki's expression was something that Kotoko had never seen on his face before. He was angry but he looked so broken.

"Han? What are you talking about?" Kotoko asked in stupor, her single minded focus on him made her oblivious to anything but Irie-kun.

"You kissed Kin-chan, didn't you? Naoki asked confusedly. For a moment looking at Kotoko he thought maybe that Kinnouske was lying but then he saw the realization dawn in Kotoko's eyes and Naoki was faced with truth of the information that up till now his mind had refused to believe. Naoki was sure that he just heard his heart break.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

15 Feburary 2012

It had been 2 months since that conversation in Kotoko's apartment between Naoki and Kotoko. Naoki had left abruptly that night after seeing the truth in Kotoko's eyes and from then on made it a deliberate point to avoid even a thought of Kotoko to enter his mind. Life played a weird game, for so long Kotoko had chased him and 'Kotoko loves him' became a fact of his life;and when he reached out to those hidden emotions in him and finally reciprocated the affection ,she had moved on. She belonged to someone else now. Karma got to him and now he was tormented each night with the thought of her being with that Kinnouske. In the day he immersed himself in his work, his father's company and health were both making steady recovery and Naoki could see the fruit of his work in Pandai starting to reflect in monthly profit estimates, yet he didn't allow himself to rest because for him rest and free mind meant torment. So he worked himself to the bone day in and out.

His mother was now starting to get worried for his health but he would not allow himself to stop. He had heard from grapevine aka his mom that Kotoko had started going on dates with Kinnouske. His Mom made a huge fuss when she got to know this. She had for the first few weeks made a point to talk about Kotoko and Kinnouske whenever Naoki was around but as he stopped coming home and staying at office to avoid her, she ultimately dropped the topic. She would rather have her son come home every night. Tonight his father had all but demanded that he be present for dinner with his family and then later on have a chat with him in private. The dinner was filled with his Mom's chatter that Naoki realized he had strangely missed. Even Yukki was unusally talkative. Yukki had distinctively felt his brother's mental absence. Though, Naoki was never a warm and talkative person ,he was also not the zombie that he had been the past two months. He had grown colder, if such thing was even possible. After dinner Naoki left the room with his father so that they could talk in the living room. Mrs. Irie was in the kitchen keeping an ear fixed to the talk going on in her living room.

"Naoki, son, I called you here today because I have been thinking a lot and I think I am ready to take back the reins of Pandai" thus,Mr. Irie began the conversation between them once they were both seated.

"Otousan,I think you should take more time to recuperate and not worry about business right now. I have everything in control so don't worry about Pandai" Naoki calmly protested his father's decision.

"Naoki you have been managing Pandai amazingly well. Dare I say, even better than myself. It is not Pandai that I am worried about , it is you." Mr. Irie replied.

"Me? I am sorry, I don't understand, why are you worried about me?" Naoki asked perplexed.

"Why am I worried about you? Naoki do you think I am blind? I can see how you are overworking yourself. You are just 20. You should be out there having fun with your friends. You should be in college. I can't help but feel that we have unknowingly put too much pressure on you." Shigeki face was heavy with remorse.

"You are unnecessarily worrying yourself, Otousan. I am fine. I was never one the to hangout with friends in first place and you haven't made me do anything I wouldn't have done on my own. It is my duty and responsibility to support my family." Naoki replied with a resolved expression on his face.

"So what about medicine?" Mr. Irie asked. Naoki was left stunned. How did his father know about his desire to study medicine? He hadn't shared it with anyone except her. She wouldn't have, would she?

"I had a visitor yesterday. You might be interested to hear what she had to say. She made quite a passionate case for me to allow you to go back to college. Kotoko really does care about , son, why didn't you say anything before? I wish you had come to me yourself and told me this, but I suppose it was I who probably made you feel that you had to hide your dreams. I have dreams for you, I admit. Every parent has them for their child but my dreams are not bigger than yours. I just want you to be happy and if it is by studying medicine that you gain happiness then be sure I am going to be your biggest supporter." Mr. Irie said all this with an undertone of pride for his son in his voice.

"But what about Pandai? Who will manage the company after you? Naoki asked.

"You don't have to worry about anything, I will grow up and manage Pandai, Onii-chan." Yukki jumped into the conversation from his hiding place behind the door. " You become a doctor and save the people of this world. I know you would be happy as a doctor" continued Yukki.

Mrs. Irie entered the room at that moment and hugged Naoki around his neck and said " We all just want you to be happy. So Onii-chan, do as your parents say. You are resigning from Pandai and going back to college. You have to study hard ,Onii-chan, I want you see you successfully transfer to Medical department this summer."

-17 February 2012-

Naoki was walking down the road to administrative block of Tonan University when he realized that two girls were following him. He tried to ignore them but after few minutes he realized that they were shouting at each other and following him because they wanted him to listen to what they were saying. They sounded oddly familiar. Jinko and Satomi was what they were calling each other. Did he know them? Weren't they her friends?

His thoughts were confirmed with the next sentence that left their mouth when Jinko asked "Eh..Satomi, Do you happen to know where Kotoko is?" Satomi delightfully answered " Jinko-san , don't you remember she went on her special date with Kin-chan."

"Oh! I remember now ,but why is the date so special Satomi-san?" Jinko pretended to be unaware. "Jinko-san ,today is the day Kin-chan is going to ask her to marry him."

"This is so exciting. Satomi, I am sure she going to say yes. What do you think?" Jinko said.

Naoki didn't wait to hear what Satomi thought Kotoko's answer is going to be as he started running. Why and Where he was running he did not know or care. He just wanted to get away from this sinking feeling in his chest. Naoki realized then that he had never really given up on Kotoko and him. He still held hope that she would soon get tried of that person and he would get a chance to prove his worth. No, this cannot be happening. She loved him too long to move on so fast and so soon. No, No ,No, No. The word resounding like a mantra as he found himself again in front of her apartment building.

He waited. He didn't know what he expected to achieve if she was indeed engaged by now but he couldn't make himself move from his position in front of her apartment building. He prayed he did not have to see them both coming back to her apartment together, acting all in love. He hoped that, that his imagination of her in his arm would never come true. He hoped ,maybe futilely but he hoped. Finally when his thoughts weren't something he could control anymore he saw her walking down the street. She was soaked. Huh? It was raining? He hadn't even noticed. He ran over to her. She looked tried and beautiful.

"How was the engagement?" Naoki asked, getting straight to the point.

"You know?" Kotoko asked surprised. Naoki started at her blankly and stiffly nodded. "It was magical, I suppose. Kin-chan had worked so hard and everything worked better than hoped. I was so delighted." Kotoko answered smiling.

"So this is it? You like him now? Naoki asked fiercely.

"Like him now? Huh? I have always liked Kin-chan. He has been one of my best friends since school. It is only natural that I like him." Kotoko answered, feeling strangely perplexed by the unexpected interrogation.

"What about me? Don't you care about me at all? Don't you claim to love me? Can you really love anyone else?" Naoki all but shouted out the questions. The bleak future without Kotoko suddenly a looming reality.

"What about me, Naoki? I care about you. I will always care about you. Maybe I would never love someone as I love you but I need to learn to live in the real world." Kotoko replied calmly.

"So you will marry Kin-chan? Just because you think that he has liked you and I don't, you would marry him. I love you Kotoko and I am not giving up. You can't love anyone but me." Naoki replied and then in move that Kotoko never dared to imagine he wrapped his arms around her and brought his mouth closer to hers and whispered " I am never letting you go." And then he kissed her. It took Kotoko a few moments to accept what was happening and then she started kissing him back. Tentative at first but soon it grew passionate as they both poured months ,and in Kotoko's case years, of longing into the kiss.

Finally Kotoko pulled away and looked at Naoki with mischief in her eyes and said "By the way, Kin-chan is marry Christine Robbins, an exchange student at Tonan and not me."

Naoki was stunned as Kotoko started laughing but then he looked at her and pulled her up to him and then said "I still got you." Then he kissed her again and again.

**This brings us to the confession in the summary after this the story would see the progress of there relationship mature and Kotoko mature with it ( We would also get to see Kotoko's version of these past 2 months). Please review, if you like my work. I enjoy listening to your views about the story. A quick shoutout to **mayra.713.g and shannonjacob21. **Your reviews mean the world to me and I hope you continue enjoying the story. I am sorry I haven't been able to reply everyone's review but thanks all the same. :D**


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